As we stand in the graveyard of New Years Resolutions failed within one moons worth of intention, I take heart in mine.
I stumbled into this resolution in the space surrounding New Years, lost on the TransCanada counting up my missteps and seeking more direction. How to break out of the day-to-day diatribe that sustains me, pushes me further but promises no end in sight.
Firstly - acknowledging the sinewy ties that have slowly taken hold; tethering myself to a piece of technology, a relationship I don’t recall committing to yet - yet here I am;
Reaching for a buzzing phone I feel like a phantom limb oblivious to the physical world; forgetting to look up.
Gosh that should be simple. I remember the motion the literal craning of my neck to try to see more, to take it all in unencumbered by stainless steel, titanium, and glass. The siren song of a missed notification. On the surface level it’s that simple, one day a week, one night specifically I turn my phone off, devoted exclusively to my present whatever that may be.
Secondly, less literally, this resolution reaches further, the act of looking outside the immediate. Something, when you own your own business, or find yourself stretched paper thin you start taking solace in the humming whisper to just keep going. You start forgetting the intent behind the motion. Why am I pushing myself, what are my goals, where am I headed and at this pace, at this rate when I get there will it be worth it? How do you balance the delayed gratification with the all to easy slip into over working for works sake. How much money, power, success, is enough? Look up, take stock, work towards goals with purpose behind each step. Or rather, at least I'm trying...
Personal Notes + Antedotes
Elijah teases me often about this - when we were in the Czech Republic trying to find a bar, whose name we didn’t know, in a neighbourhood circled on a map through buses and trolleys in a country we didn’t speak the language. We were trying to find this very specific beer our tour guide insisted we had to try, the hunt for Velvet beer. And when a trolley came by I just hopped on it - insisting (oh so incorrectly) I felt it was right. Hurtling in the wrong direction because I was too impatient. I feel that way about my life, the day to day, the knowing my own paths, retracing my own steps so comfortably and consequently forgetting to look up, to check the map before venturing forward. We had the time, we still have the time; it’s okay to pause, where are we, which direction are we headed, is it right? Look up — the answer is probably in plain sight.